Upping My Game in NYC
Last month, I had the chance to experience a gallery opening in NYC. The Ki Smith Gallery was nothing like my usual First Fridays in Philadelphia. The moment I walked into the room, there was a noticeable shift in the air. Not in a bad way. Just different. You could tell immediately that this was a tight-knit group of people, many of them deeply rooted in the punk scene and its history.
I felt excited and nervous all at once.
Seeing fifty years of photography and art that helped shape music culture was incredible. It also made me think about timing and luck. Some of what was on those walls existed because people happened to be in the right place at the right time, unknowingly documenting history as it unfolded. I was very aware that I was there purely as an observer, and very grateful to the friend who brought me along.
Out of My League
Being “out of my league” didn’t feel like rejection. It felt like a change in the air. I didn’t feel unwelcome, but I did feel the weight of being slightly out of place. Watching how people interacted with each other made me aware of where I’m still lacking.
It was a mix of intimidation and admiration.
At the time, I didn’t fully know what to do with that feeling. Now, with some distance from it, I realize it was also motivating. Not in a competitive way, but in a clarifying one. It showed me what’s possible and how much room there still is for me to grow.
Quiet Observation and Communication
That night also made something else very clear. I need to work on how I talk about myself. I don’t do well with small talk or casual transitions beyond a basic introduction. I’ve always been more comfortable observing than inserting myself into conversations. Often, I end up supporting someone else in the room instead of stepping forward on my own.
I’m not disappointed that I didn’t leave with a pocket full of contacts or new friendships. What I did leave with was an awareness of where I need to grow. Communication is a skill, and like any other skill, it’s something I can practice.
NYC as a Pattern
I don’t consider myself a savvy NYC traveler. Even though I live within commuting distance, the city still overwhelms me. It always has. But when I look back on 2025, I can’t ignore how often NYC showed up. I visited four times, each for completely different reasons. That’s more time in the city than I’ve spent there in my entire life. For someone who usually operates on an “once every decade” schedule, that feels significant.
I think 2026 needs to be the year I work through the anxiety NYC brings me, rather than avoiding it. I learned Philadelphia by spending time there, letting it become familiar. Maybe NYC deserves the same patience. It feels like it’s calling to me in some quiet, indirect way. I’m not sure why yet, but I’m paying attention.
Looking Ahead
I didn’t leave that gallery feeling defeated. I left feeling aware. Aware of what I admire. Aware of what I need to strengthen. Aware of the rooms I want to feel more at home in someday. Maybe being out of my league isn’t a problem. Maybe it’s a signal that I’m standing near the edge of something I’m meant to move toward.