Refinement, NOT Relief
It’s been four months since my website went live. I’m still wildly proud that I did it. For most of my career, I avoided having a personal site altogether. Something out there felt better than nothing, but actually pressing publish still felt monumental. The initial launch came with relief. A huge weight off my shoulders. It felt similar to stepping onstage for a school play and realizing you’re not afraid to simply be there. But tucked underneath that relief was a lot of anxiety that I didn’t share with anyone.
I was terrified of being a laughing stock in the design community. Terrified that what I put out didn’t meet the mental standards I had set for myself. I worried my portfolio looked juvenile rather than seasoned. That fear lived quietly in the background while I smiled and told myself that at least it existed.
From Relief to Confidence
Once the adrenaline of launching wore off, I had space (and time) to reflect. I started asking harder questions.
Who is this site actually for?
What do I want people to do once they land there?
Is my portfolio strong enough?
Where does it fall short? How do I improve it?
I spent a couple of weeks researching personal sites and portfolios. What stood out was that I didn’t need to redesign everything. The brand foundation was solid. What it needed was refinement. Clearer language. Better storytelling. A portfolio that actually reflected where I am now. I approached it like a client project. I laid out my process, built wireframes, wrote content, and collected reference material. It still took time. And, one very long Saturday capped it off with the grand finale. But the work felt focused, not overwhelming.
That refinement brought confidence. Not relief. Confidence.
It now feels like I have lead-role energy instead of understudy energy. Could parts of it still read as juvenile to some people? Possibly. But anyone who really knows me or wants to know me will understand why I made the choices I did. The site feels honest. It feels aligned. It feels like me at this stage.
Fear, Visibility, and the Starting Line
I’ve spent a long time working through fear. I carried a sense of judgment around my early career and college choices, even though there was nothing objectively wrong with them. I did well. I worked in my field. I built experience. Still, my path wasn’t linear, and that made me feel unready. For much of my life, I stayed on the sidelines. Sometimes I was put there. Sometimes I learned to put myself there. Eventually, I chose it. The irony is that I despise being rescued, yet I rarely let myself step forward on my own.
Putting my website out into the world was a turning point. It was me placing myself at the starting line and allowing myself to be seen. It’s the internet, so the potential for a lot of eyes is always there. That’s intimidating. But it’s also necessary. I’m self-aware enough to know the site doesn’t show my full capabilities yet. But it shows exactly where I am now. And I know there’s more underneath that I’ll continue to unpack.
Looking Ahead
The goals I have for 2026 haven’t changed much from the last few years. What has changed is the foundation beneath them. Progress and determination feel less theoretical now. They’re visible. They’re built into something tangible.
This version of my site isn’t about proving anything. It’s about positioning myself where I want to go, with the kind of people I want to grow alongside.
And for the first time, that feels less scary than it does possible.